So often, when we realize that things are not as they should or could be in our relationship with God, we automatically conclude that it is disconnection. It is so easy to think (and feel) separated from God and then believe that we must somehow make a reconnection back to God. But as I ponder and reflect, I think it to be different now. There's no such thing as disconnection once we have come to know Him. Here's my story on that:
Some time ago, middle of 2016, actually, I was feeling very disconnected from the Lord. I was depressed and didn't even want to get out of bed due to burn out and circumstances that I had no answer for. I felt stuck and alone. My poor dog Scooby was also suffering from a lack of walks because I was in bed (depressed) so much-poor girl! Finally, out of guilt and severely needing some fresh air, I decided to take her for a walk around the block. I grabbed the retractable leash so that Scoob could get more exercise because I was not going to be doing anything fast...
As I started to walk, Scooby immediately pulled the leash out the entire 20 feet and then even began to pull me out of her desire to go further and faster. I grew annoyed at this thinking, "Why don't you want to be close to me? Why can't you stay right by my side? I'll get you where you want to go, dog!"
Meanwhile, as this went on, I was also talking (whining, actually) to the Lord saying "Lord, I feel so disconnected from you! I've gone so far away, I don't know how to get back!" And then as I looked at the long line of the leash leading from my hand all the way out to Scooby, it was like a thunder bolt to my spirit and soul...I heard the Lord speak strongly and clearly, "DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN. Don't ever say you're disconnected from me because it is impossible-I will not ever let that happen" WOAH. I guess this is what we like to call "correction".
That moment changed my perspective forever. As I looked at myself holding the leash, I knew it was true. There's not one thing that Scooby could do that would make me let go of that leash. I was what was keeping us connected, not her! In fact, the more she wanted to race away, the harder I held on to make sure she was safe and the unbroken line between us was what would eventually lead her back home by my side.
Jesus said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." This puts him in close proximity to us ALWAYS. It puts the impetus on him being near no matter where we are or our condition at any given moment in time. He is beyond time, space and circumstance. With this in mind, I think it to be LAYERS that hinder LOVE and a feeling of true CONNECTION. Just as in human relationships.
We all know that you can be in the same house, even in the same room, for goodness sake, even the same bed with someone and have layers that make you FEEL far away. But the truth is, you are right there, and therefore, the opportunity to reconnect is only a willingness and an honest conversation away; a beautiful bearing of your soul away.
The layers range from the fear of being seen in our worst state, to the shame we feel about who we are or what we've done, to the hiding that quickly ensues to keep up the facade. It can even be the anxiety of living in the world with unknown risks from outside sources that paralyzes us because there is no answer within ourselves other than the attempt to control, but ultimately control is Pride. "I am the master of my own destiny and whatever it takes to control the situation, I will do."
Then there is coping. When one or all of the above begins to cruble, that is the space that addiction plays in. But addiction plays for keeps. Then again, so does God, however, he is much more gracious than addiction could ever be.)
Layers, Layers, Layers... We feel so far away, so burdened down and blind to the words, "I AM HERE"... Jesus says, "Take my yoke", grab on, hold on, strap in, learn how I do things...
Weary? Heavy Burdened? Layered? Come let me show you how to just be with me first. You'll learn by PROXIMITY and all else will follow.
All the layers, the striving for something different will be automatically answered. You are not as far away as you think you are...and disconnected? Hardly. The layers are deceiving, but he is with you-Always has been. Psalm 139.
Maybe start this way: "You are here, I am here. I invite you to remove the layers and bring me more alive to your presence in my life".
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