This is a crazy God story.
I think I need to tell it. I'm not even sure where to begin, and I'm still quite overwhelmed, but here goes. This rope was given to me a couple of hours ago by a man in the East Nashville Kroger parking lot. He told me he was going to use it to hang himself before Labor Day on Monday. Right? Right.
Maybe more than anything, this is a story of God's powerful love that intercepts the darkness in very unconventional ways. I'm reminded that He is always speaking. I've been asking to hear him more clearly and praying for courage to obey. Tonight, he pulled me kicking and screaming into the answer of that prayer.
I had a discouraging day. I flew back from Colorado yesterday. Truthfully, this time I didn't want to come back to Nashville...I miss my friends and family out West more than ever. I am stressed out about finances and really uncertain about what the future holds. There are a lot of moving pieces in life right now. So, that's what is really going on and I felt the weight of it today in an overwhelming way...I kept hearing, "give up, give up, give up".
Well, tonight, in the middle of all that mess of me, I realized I had no groceries, so I went to Kroger. While in the checkout line, the cashier accidentally charged me for a bottle of cooking oil that belonged to the man in line behind me. She deleted it from my bill, but right away I felt a nudge and I heard "buy it for him". I second guessed if it was really God, but then figured what the heck and told the man, "You know what? I'm going to buy that oil for you after all". He (and the cashier) looked at me like I was crazy, and both said "No, you don't have to!" and I said, "I know, but I want to-that's what makes it fun". I gave him a hug and walked out to my car.
I started to drive off and then I caught a glimpse of the man as he walked out of the store and I saw he had a limp. I felt the same nudge again-only even stronger: "Go ask him about that limp" "Ugh!!! WHAT??? Um...NO, Lord! I want to follow your lead, but this is getting weird and uncomfortable!! I want to go home, my ice cream is melting and I'm still kind of sad!"
But the nudge would not go away.
Holy Spirit and I went back and forth, so I circled the parking lot, trying to figure out what to do and how to get out of this. I was about to drive off, but no matter what, I could always see the man! It was kind of like weird slow motion-every time I looked, I could see him, even in a busy parking lot.
Super. Weird.
When I looked back the last time, I saw him getting into his car. He then started to drive away in a different row towards the exit and so I sighed in relief and literally thought "Oops, too late. I guess I can't talk to him now." I am such a brat. Phew! I dodged that Holy Spirit crazy bullet.
(I am adding this part, lest you think I'm some saintly angel who constantly drives around parking lots looking for people to talk to or pray for...I totally want to do this, I've seen God do some crazy stuff and I've told the Lord I want to be brave and I want to hear him clearly, and be on the front lines, but when things like this happen, there's ALWAYS a battle with my pride and fear, which wins about 50% of the time)...
So the man was driving away....and then he stopped his car...(I don't know why) and with that, our cars met in the parking lot and I waved. He rolled down his window and said something like "oh hey thank you", and then it got really real: Last chance to accept the nudge. I said, "okay, Lord, here we go, You lead". I said to the man, "I have a question for you!" I got out of my car went up to his car and asked him about his limp.
Long story short: He got shot in the head 20 years ago and had to re-learn everything. He said he knows God spared his life back then, but he's really hit rock bottom lately. He's about to lose his house, his kids are in trouble, money and job troubles, etc etc....He said, "I don't know why you did that for me tonight...I really don't know, but I ended up buying something for the man behind me to pay it forward and it changed how I was feeling..." I told him that was really awesome and that I sure didn't know either, except that I felt like God clearly told me to buy the oil for him, and maybe it was so he would remember that God knows him and loves him...
That's when he started crying. He paused for a bit and then said, "What you did in the store was nice, but what I can't get over is that you stopped again to talk to me here tonight...I know you don't know me and there's no way you could know what I'm going through in life right now...I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm going to tell you something...I think you saved my life tonight..." (at this point, I'm like, "WHATTT?" on the inside)...He reached into the back seat and pulled out a long rope. He said, "I've really been wanting to end my life. I've tried different ways several times before, but it never worked, but I told myself I'd do it this way before Labor day. I've kept going back and forth about it in my mind because of my kids"...
Long story short, I listened. I asked if I could take the rope and he said no and threw it back into the back seat. So I listened some more. He let me pray for him and then I asked for the rope again. He said "No, I can't give it to you, I still might need it". Then I took a stand and said "You know, the enemy is messing with you and you are playing right into his hand if you don't decide for real. You've got to CHOOSE to live, but no one can make you choose. God is giving you a choice right now." He started crying again and kept saying "How did you know? How did you know?" And I told him I had no clue, but God knows him inside and out and he wants him to choose once and for all to live. He then grabbed the rope and handed it to me, bawling. I led him in a prayer renouncing death and choosing life and giving all of his life to God, asking for peace and healing. He told me he felt God's presence.
I don't really even know what to say except just to tell the story. I'm still really processing this. That freaking rope is now out on my porch and I know how close I came to ignoring the Holy Spirit.
God, thank you for inviting me (and sometimes dragging me kicking and screaming) into your story.
