40:40 Day 4: Taking the exit off of Procrastination Road...

So, this is going to be the shortest blog post that I write.  I have determined to write SOMETHING every day of Lent, but the past 4 days, I have waited until late at night to write, thus blowing my earlier bed times and thus perpetuating the late to bed, late to rise thing.  And believe me, it is a THING. Grrrr..."There is no condemnation, there is no condemnation"...

More on that later.  I guess I'm saying, I feel the pull (in my spirit) to be up and writing in the early mornings, but my flesh kicks and screams and PROCRASTINATES...I procrastinate going to bed AND getting up - ALL. THE. TIME.

The Lord has been talking to me about getting really, I mean really intentional with things. Having a plan and discipline.  As in, being a DISCIPLE.  (Same root word, Hello!) So, I'm starting  and coming into agreement with a different WAY by just saying it here and now.  It's time.  It's past time.  Now has always been the time.  Turn signal is on.

I'm exiting off of Procrastination Road...

Hello, tomorrow morning, 2-18-18.

What road are you exiting?

40:40 Day 3: Distance vs. Disconnection...

So often, when we realize that things are not as they should or could be in our relationship with God, we automatically conclude that it is disconnection.  It is so easy to think (and feel) separated from God and then believe that we must somehow make a reconnection back to God.  But as I ponder and reflect, I think it to be different now.  There's no such thing as disconnection once we have come to know Him. Here's my story on that:

Some time ago, middle of 2016, actually, I was feeling very disconnected from the Lord.  I was depressed and didn't even want to get out of bed due to burn out and circumstances that I had no answer for. I felt stuck and alone.  My poor dog Scooby was also suffering from a lack of walks because I was in bed (depressed) so much-poor girl! Finally, out of guilt and severely needing some fresh air, I decided to take her for a walk around the block.  I grabbed the retractable leash so that Scoob could get more exercise because I was not going to be doing anything fast...

As I started to walk, Scooby immediately pulled the leash out the entire 20 feet and then even began to pull me out of her desire to go further and faster.  I grew annoyed at this thinking, "Why don't you want to be close to me?  Why can't you stay right by my side? I'll get you where you want to go, dog!"

Meanwhile, as this went on, I was also talking (whining, actually) to the Lord saying "Lord, I feel so disconnected from you! I've gone so far away, I don't know how to get back!" And then as I looked at the long line of the leash leading from my hand all the way out to Scooby, it was like a thunder bolt to my spirit and soul...I heard the Lord speak strongly and clearly, "DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN. Don't ever say you're disconnected from me because it is impossible-I will not ever let that happen" WOAH. I guess this is what we like to call "correction".

That moment changed my perspective forever.  As I looked at myself holding the leash, I knew it was true.  There's not one thing that Scooby could do that would make me let go of that leash.  I was what was keeping us connected, not her!  In fact, the more she wanted to race away, the harder I held on to make sure she was safe and the unbroken line between us was what would eventually lead her back home by my side.

Jesus said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." This puts him in close proximity to us ALWAYS.  It puts the impetus on him being near no matter where we are or our condition at any given moment in time.  He is beyond time, space and circumstance.  With this in mind, I think it to be LAYERS that hinder LOVE and a feeling of true CONNECTION.  Just as in human relationships.

We all know that you can be in the same house, even in the same room, for goodness sake, even the same bed with someone and have layers that make you FEEL far away.  But the truth is, you are right there, and therefore, the opportunity to reconnect is only a willingness and an honest conversation away; a beautiful bearing of your soul away.

The layers range from the fear of being seen in our worst state, to the shame we feel about who we are or what we've done, to the hiding that quickly ensues to keep up the facade.  It can even be the anxiety of living in the world with unknown risks from outside sources that paralyzes us because there is no answer within ourselves other than the attempt to control, but ultimately control is Pride.  "I am the master of my own destiny and whatever it takes to control the situation, I will do."

Then there is coping.  When one or all of the above begins to cruble, that is the space that addiction plays in.  But addiction plays for keeps.  Then again, so does God, however, he is much more gracious than addiction could ever be.)

Layers, Layers, Layers... We feel so far away, so burdened down and blind to the words, "I AM HERE"... Jesus says, "Take my yoke", grab on, hold on, strap in, learn how I do things...
Weary?  Heavy Burdened? Layered? Come let me show you how to just be with me first.  You'll learn by PROXIMITY and all else will follow.

All the layers, the striving for something different will be automatically answered.  You are not as far away as you think you are...and disconnected?  Hardly.  The layers are deceiving, but he is with you-Always has been. Psalm 139.

Maybe start this way: "You are here, I am here.  I invite you to remove the layers and bring me more alive to your presence in my life".

40:40 Day 2 Forwards and Backwards...

"NO WAY!!!!!" I exclaimed and laughed out loud.  I was coming back from my chiropractor appointment earlier today in rush hour traffic and had just turned right onto Korean Veterans Boulevard when I pulled up behind a gold Mercedes with a personalized Georgia license plate that simply read "SICNARF".  I could hardly believe my eyes. I knew exactly what it was in a split second of instant recognition. What in the WORLD??? How did they know my family's joke?  That word not familiar to you? Then come with me! Let me take you back for a silly moment in my childhood.

I don't know who started it.  Probably my dad.  It was kind of like a dad joke, but only better because we all thought it was genuinely hilarious. (😆 ) At some point, we decided to write out and memorize our names backwards...does everyone do this???  I don't know, but we did. And when we realized that 'Francis' spelled backwards was 'Sicnarf', it was all over.  I personally think mine was the best: 'Atsirk Nwaf Sicnarf'.  With that name, I might as well have been a Persian Prince (No offense to any Persian Princes out there, but am I right or am I right?!?).  We would laugh and laugh at our backwards names.  As I referenced in my post last night, I don't know how much we ACTUALLY laughed.  I mean it wasn't for days or years, but it's a happy, silly memory that's stuck with me and that is what makes it feel like a long and drawn out laugh in a good way.  I'm thankful for those kind of memories. 

So what did I do in that moment??? I chased the Gold Mercedes, of course!  He zipped across the bridge, but was still no match for my 16 year old Subaru-HAHAHAA!  At the next red light, I pulled up next to him and yelled, "HEY! IS YOUR LAST NAME FRANCIS??!!??"  He smiled and yelled, "YES! And I said, "MINE IS TOO!" He yelled, "I'M DIRK FRANCIS FROM JAMAICA, MON!"  I said, "I'M KRISTA FRANCIS"  Then he said, "DID YOU KNOW BECAUSE..." And then pointed back behind him.  I said, "YES!" We smiled and laughed and then the light turned green and Krid Sicnarf zoomed off into the golden sunset, never to be seen again (until I stalk my Jamaican Cousin on facebook, that is!!)  

As soon as I saw that out of state license plate with that strange non-word that pretty much NO ONE else would understand (even people with the first or last name Francis who aren't quite as weird as us!), my heart actually leaped a little inside my chest!  See, God has been doing some extra-out of the ordinary kind of signs lately.  Maybe more than ever before.  I don't completely understand the depths of it all right now, and some people might say I'm reading too much into it, but I know it's Him.  His fingerprints are pretty unique and this time, downright funny.  As they say, it's a small world, but I think there's even more to it than that. 

Tonight, I was reminded in the most fun and creative way that this God-Creator knows my NAME, knows us...He knows YOU.  He knows the forwards AND backwards, the inside and out, the silly and the sad and there's no where you can go where He can't find you! (Not even super crappy Nashville traffic!!!) 

Psalm 139: To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me...

Isaiah 43:1 But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

Isaiah 49:15-16

Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?  Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me. 

There's an invitation that's been sent out and we're being drawn into the dance with our Creator: God as Father (Parent) who loves fiercely and rightly and shows scandalous Mercy by giving us HIS name, with Jesus as lover, healer, savior, friend, companion and with Holy Spirit who is altogether dynamite indwelling power as well as counselor and comforter. This God is the itch we can't scratch, the question we can't answer.  The dream we can't fully interpret but we know in our knower that it means something.  This is LOVE that never fails and we're meant to live inside of it and for it to live inside of us, to possess us and give us our identity. 

And that is so much of what this thing with a name is all about: Our Identity. Have you received Heaven on the inside (born again) and been given a new name,  or are you wandering around like an orphan wondering what your last name is and even if you saw it, you might not recognize it forwards or backwards  We do that in a thousand different ways.  So hear me.  He knows your name and he'll tell it to your heart if you'll ask.  He'll show you surprises.  Enter into the dance.  Tonight I said "Yes" and entered into the mystery all over again...all because of 'SICNARF' the gold Mercedes.

40:40 Day 1: Just Right and Forrest Gump...

It's late on this Ash Wednesday Valentine's Day 2018.  I wanted to be in bed long before now (9:30 goal), and I also wanted to have the first of 40 blogs posted before now, but since one of those two things is already blown to heck (It's 11:26 pm...yawn) , I might as well power through!

Confession: I'm mostly a writer who doesn't write.  Both story and song.  I have no idea why it is like this except if I were to guess, I would say perfectionism and busyness.  Lame. I am ready to bury these two things six feet under.

This Lent, I felt challenged to write a story a day from things I have seen and experienced in my life.  It's a challenge to not overthink it, just ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind what I should write and then do that.  Some may be videos and others just like this, so I'm diving in.

Today was Ash Wednesday AND Valentine's Day.  I think this is really beautiful because Ash Wednesday is a day of Love...A showcase and reminder of how, in our sinful, dark and dead state, Christ came in to win the day and now, out of love, we get to follow him.  When you follow someone, you inevitably get to the same place they're going.  Just as Philip said to Jesus, "Show us the way to where you're going" and Jesus replied, "I AM the Way!"  The focus was never intended to be the  destination when you can inextricably trust the one you're following to get you there.  And the very way you get there is through relationship and communion.

Anyway, yes.  It was also a hard day. ANOTHER school shooting.  17 dead in Florida.  WHY.  As that was happening, I was attending Mass downtown at the Cathedral.  When I walked in, all I could see were HUGE scaffoldings all around the church. Plastic drop cloths and construction.  Everything was under construction.  But it was messy.  This is where we are as the church.  We are ONE BODY, but massive shifts of reformation and renovation are taking place everywhere.

I just got done watching Forrest Gump.  I honestly can't remember if I've ever watched it all the way through...but I did tonight.  This past weekend, three separate people brought up this movie to me and I took that as a sign to watch it.  Besides the idea of running and walking being very front and center right now, I just marveled at how much Forrest's mom poured truth into his life.  She set the tone for how he would filter all the other messages of the world.

I want to honor my mom for doing the same.  You know how, as a kid, time feels so different.  For example, when I tell the story of going to the beach on Saturday as a kid.  I usually say, "my family and I would go to the beach every Saturday to collect sea shells and then we'd come home to eat pancakes with strawberry syrup."  To me, that happened every Saturday, even though, realistically it could have only been a maximum of 1-2 years.  But it landed in the right spot to make a lasting picture for me to access.

Same thing goes with a message my mom gave me.  She would *Always* say "Krista, you're just right".  I don't know how many times she actually said it, but I sure know how much I remember it, ask a kid and to this day. It cemented in a reality of being approved of, delighted in and loved...right where I'm at.  This isn't a "you can do no wrong" message, but rather, digging for the gold and pointing it out.

Today, I remembered that I still have a Valentine's Day mug from the year my mom got sick (see picture above).  She didn't write long things to us...part of her busyness and perfectionism, I think. The sharpie inscription on the bottom is starting to rub off.  I so often wish she would have gotten around to writing in the Bible she gave to me.  But more than bemoaning that, I'm so very thankful that she gave me the Father's Love through three simple words: "You're Just Right".  This doesn't mean that we don't learn, grow and change, it just means that that doesn't happen through striving.  Our identity core is fully loved and fully accepted.

I urge you, find a simple message like this (heck, steal this one from my mom!) and say it to your spouse, kids, and anyone in your life OFTEN!  It matters.  It really, really matters.

So, loved one, I will say it to you.

You're Just Right!

Happy Valentine's Day and Ash Wednesday.   You are loved.