That’s when I felt the wind start to blow through the tiniest whisps of my hair. How could this be? I hadn’t felt a breeze in the Maze EVER. All the walls and blockages kept any air from flowing and it was stifling. But as I stood there trying to understand, I knew this wasn’t just wind. This was BREATH. It grew stronger and stronger. At first it was exciting because it was new and gave me a glimmer of hope that something was shifting, but then as the breath-wind grew to gale-force, I became terrified. These walls protected me! No matter how much I hated being lost, still there was a familiarity to it all. A sense of safety from the unknown that could be lurking just outside the Maze. But it was too late. My heart’s cry had stirred something to life.
That’s when the first wall of the Maze started to give way. It couldn’t stand under the force coming after me. Then the crumbing began-almost like explosions of dynamite. Invisible wrecking balls destroyed every last barricade. I crouched down, almost in fetal position, covering my head. Waiting for it all to be over. And then the silence.
I expected it to be a disaster zone. So much debris, so much cleanup. And still alone in it all. But when I opened my eyes, I could not believe what I saw. Nothing. A blank slate. No bricks, no debris from all the deconstruction, just a wide open room, but completely empty of anything.
Somehow, I had been moved to one corner of the now bare room. At least I felt less vulnerable there, and yet felt totally naked at the same time. I tried to get my bearings, but there was nothing to orient me to this new normal of no walls.
Then I saw the Lion.
He was clear across the expanse of the empty room. Sitting in the corner opposite of me. And he was staring me down. I knew in an instant that this was his work. He had blown these walls down and now there was nothing in between us but blank space and a stare that made my heart jump out of my chest.
I was terrified because he was calculated. I could see the muscles in his body start to tense and he crouched a little lower. My pupils dilated and I knew this was it. I was done. I noticed his whiskers. They were twitching around his mouth and one little corner of his mouth went up. But I didn’t understand.
Then in one instant, he closed every gap that existed between us as he rushed me. I felt his heavy paws land on my shoulders and completely surround me and my face got lost in fur and breath. I thought I was being eaten alive, so I went to my next instinct: Play dead. Numb out-it will end better this way, I thought.
But then the Barrel rolls began. Around and around we went. I was helpless to it. Heavy paws, fur, breath and rolling was shaking up and loosening every last piece on the inside of me. I knew he could devour me, but he didn’t and then all at once I knew that he wouldn’t. The instant this knowing landed in my heart, I heard him roar with laughter and he pulled me back and I saw his eyes-really saw them up close. I saw oceans and mountains and worlds and every living thing that ever existed was dancing around in the deepest pools of sparkling amber-brown.
His eyes had a defibrillating effect. It was like he put his eyes on my heart and I felt my heart Sync up to everything that has always been. That was when I laughed. I barely recognized the sound. But I remembered it from a long time ago. I was shocked at how much it sounded like him, because it was real. It wasn’t a cover for pain anymore. It was LIFE.
And then we started to play. I ran after him and tackled him and we did more barrel rolls. He tossed me up in the air and I had no fear of crashing to the ground. All my pain was a faint memory, totally absorbed in his eyes and his heart. And then it slowly and naturally morphed into something different. A dance. Coordinated steps. Learning, teaching, leaning, stretching, and more synchronization and TRUST.
That’s when the first strike slashed across my back. I reeled and spun around and the next slash went straight across my chest. I looked down in shock. Lions claws. Instantly drawing blood. HOW??? WHY??? I drew away and instantly heard a voice say, “THE LION DID IT!!!” And I believed the voice. I saw a wall instantly erect in the room and start to form another maze. The claw marks looked right, so it must be. Why was I so foolish to trust a wild animal!?
What I couldn’t see was that there, in another corner of the room, tucked into the shadows was an adversary. One that studied every move of the Lion and knew the shape of his claws, as he had been subjected to them once and for all. But once was all it took for this creature to begin to counterfeit out of his own rage of defeat. He was one like a bloodhound who had tracked down all my wounds and knew exactly where they resided. He knew how to strike a blow to divide and conquer. Pride, fear, doubt, disbelief.
The Lion turned and roared at the adversary and blew back the shadows he was hiding in and then I saw him: Black, dark and shrouded with one outstretched arm with claws extended and my blood on them still. He struck the blow and pointed the finger simultaneously. But with that recognition, the accuser self-destructed before my eyes. I didn’t know what to believe, but I wouldn’t believe his lies.
Then the Lion grabbed me. My first thought was that I was dying. How much pain would I continue to feel until it was over? The place of shock. I didn’t know what to do or if I could even survive this. There was nothing here to help me:
No bandages, no medicine. Nothing but the Lion.
Then he took me deep into himself. A kind of darkness that I knew was the valley of the shadow of death. But He was with me and I was in him. Heavy paws landed on each bleeding wound. Pain and pressure. Salve and rapture. I looked down and with each touch of his paw, the wounds began to disappear. He knew how to treat each one.
He held me tightly there for the long, dark day and into the night and let me cry it all out. I didn’t have to say a word because he already knew.
Then, slowly, like a rising sun with new mercy, the laughter returned, like the first songbird welcomes the dawn. The dance was re-learned and I trusted and leaned back willingly into the Truth. We began to play again, barrel rolling out into the open fields of his heart in mine.
"There's no shadow you won't light up, no mountain you won't climb up, coming after me. There's no wall you won't kick down, there's no lie you won't tear down, coming after me."
Reckless Love by Cory Asbury
