I'm always moving,
but my heart's standing still;
It's waiting right next to you.
And you may not know it,
but someday you will-
that I'm already gone for you.
Yes, my heart's so far gone for you.
Did you see the look-
The look in my eyes?
It was a look I tried hard to disguise.
But when I heard your name,
then I heard your voice,
my heart jumped in-
and I had no choice...
I'm always moving,
but my heart's standing still;
It's waiting right next to you.
And you may not know it,
but someday you will-
that I'm already gone for you.
Yes, my heart's so far gone for you...
Monday, May 07, 2007
Friday, May 04, 2007
heart friends and I don't know my neighbor...
I've been on this search, and I've been using this phrase for the last few months now. Heart Friends. I don't really remember when I started using it. Okay, now as I think more intently, I do. I was talking to one of the youth interns at church. He was saying that he really longed to find that person, that group of people to truly connect with. I related to his sentiment and I said, "yes, the heart friends". Not in terms of "gee, I wish I wasn't single." It's more of the feeling of asking, "where are the people who, if given the choice would want to be around, hang out with, have a deep conversation with me, more than anyone else in the world?" I don't think this is a selfish question, because I have to ask who those people are for me as well. When you find someone, and you find that you think that way about each other, then you have found a heart friend, and heart friends are pretty much for life. I have Jessica, Jenny and Crystal. These are my closest heart friends and yet they are so far away and that doesn't diminish the friendship, but it makes me long for that same connection with people where I am right now. I don't mean that I want 50 heart friends...that would be dangerous! I just mean one or two...
I reconnected with my high school friend Melissa today. I drove away from her house feeling that I may have found one of the two people I described. It's been years since we've seen each other, but it was like the time that had passed only strengthened the things that brought us together in high school...the core of who we are has not changed. We've been on very similar journeys in our spiritual life, from beginning to end, and honestly, I had forgotten that, or maybe I never even knew. It was so refreshing to talk to her and feel totally understood and be able to ask her deep questions. That just doesn't happen every day and I'm thankful it was today for the both of us...thanks, God.
So, I went from Melissa's straight to the DMV in Arvada. Please, let me recommend that if you're considering a trip to the DMV, avoid Fridays at 4:30! It wasn't THAT horrible, just busy. Anyway, as I was getting ready to get out of my car, I looked out the window and saw my next door neighbor. He is unmistakeable. His limp, his twisted arm and frequent smile, or grimmace, I'm not sure which one. And that feeling came back to me. It's that feeling that happens both in the pit of my stomach and in my heart and it's heavy and it almost hurts and takes half of a breath away. I don't think it's pity, but I feel like I hurt with him, and then I realized the worst part of it all: I don't even know my neighbor's name. Sure, sometimes I wave when I'm driving away in a rush, but I've never stopped to meet him or show that I would care to do so. I never even realized that he was in such bad shape as what I saw today. I think it's Muscular Dystrophy, but I'm not sure. The limp reminds me of a friend of mine who is a priest and has similar, although much less severe symptoms. Crazy thing is, I've never asked him either.
I sat there for a few moments in this realization and then I went inside. He was going to the DMV as well and was right ahead of me getting his number, so I thought I might sit next to him and talk to him for the first time. I'm not saying that he NEEDS me to talk to him, it just struck me so hard that I never have. There wasn't any room where he sat, so I moved on. After a while they called his number and he got up and started walking his jilting, crooked limp to the next DMV worker's station. About halfway there, and right in front of me, his rubber sole caught the linoleum and sent him tripping, barely able to keep himself upright. He stumbled into a chair and grabbed it for balance, righting himself just in time. People, including myself, just watched, but I felt like I was melting from the top of my head down. I wonder if this is what Jesus felt and why he paid the most attention to the lepers and the sick and lame. Passed over by most, he saw the ones who endured the pain and trials physically and spoke to their need. I think of Hagar in the desert. Mistreated by Sarah, her mistress, she fled and God met her in the desert and gave ear to her suffering and her need. From that point she named God "El Roi", which means "the God who sees me". Jesus is also that. The God who sees my neighbor, even when I don't. But today I did see him and I felt this mysterious thing begin inside of me, a renewed awareness..."who is your neighbor?" Well, I guess I know the answer...Maybe I'll bake cookies, maybe I'll just quit being in such a stupid hurry, maybe I'll just introduce myself...maybe I can just start "seeing" more often.
It's funny that I write about seeing things. Today, a friend of mine took me to this prayer chapel right off one of the main roads in Arvada. One I travel frequently, yet I've never taken the time to stop, and I barely even remembered it was there. As we were walking up to it, I said to her, "I know I've looked at this chapel before, but I guess I just never really saw it". Same thing with my neighbor. And for as beautiful as the chapel was, my neighbor is all the more so, and people are all the more so, for we are broken, but still in His image, and I really want to see that.
I reconnected with my high school friend Melissa today. I drove away from her house feeling that I may have found one of the two people I described. It's been years since we've seen each other, but it was like the time that had passed only strengthened the things that brought us together in high school...the core of who we are has not changed. We've been on very similar journeys in our spiritual life, from beginning to end, and honestly, I had forgotten that, or maybe I never even knew. It was so refreshing to talk to her and feel totally understood and be able to ask her deep questions. That just doesn't happen every day and I'm thankful it was today for the both of us...thanks, God.
So, I went from Melissa's straight to the DMV in Arvada. Please, let me recommend that if you're considering a trip to the DMV, avoid Fridays at 4:30! It wasn't THAT horrible, just busy. Anyway, as I was getting ready to get out of my car, I looked out the window and saw my next door neighbor. He is unmistakeable. His limp, his twisted arm and frequent smile, or grimmace, I'm not sure which one. And that feeling came back to me. It's that feeling that happens both in the pit of my stomach and in my heart and it's heavy and it almost hurts and takes half of a breath away. I don't think it's pity, but I feel like I hurt with him, and then I realized the worst part of it all: I don't even know my neighbor's name. Sure, sometimes I wave when I'm driving away in a rush, but I've never stopped to meet him or show that I would care to do so. I never even realized that he was in such bad shape as what I saw today. I think it's Muscular Dystrophy, but I'm not sure. The limp reminds me of a friend of mine who is a priest and has similar, although much less severe symptoms. Crazy thing is, I've never asked him either.
I sat there for a few moments in this realization and then I went inside. He was going to the DMV as well and was right ahead of me getting his number, so I thought I might sit next to him and talk to him for the first time. I'm not saying that he NEEDS me to talk to him, it just struck me so hard that I never have. There wasn't any room where he sat, so I moved on. After a while they called his number and he got up and started walking his jilting, crooked limp to the next DMV worker's station. About halfway there, and right in front of me, his rubber sole caught the linoleum and sent him tripping, barely able to keep himself upright. He stumbled into a chair and grabbed it for balance, righting himself just in time. People, including myself, just watched, but I felt like I was melting from the top of my head down. I wonder if this is what Jesus felt and why he paid the most attention to the lepers and the sick and lame. Passed over by most, he saw the ones who endured the pain and trials physically and spoke to their need. I think of Hagar in the desert. Mistreated by Sarah, her mistress, she fled and God met her in the desert and gave ear to her suffering and her need. From that point she named God "El Roi", which means "the God who sees me". Jesus is also that. The God who sees my neighbor, even when I don't. But today I did see him and I felt this mysterious thing begin inside of me, a renewed awareness..."who is your neighbor?" Well, I guess I know the answer...Maybe I'll bake cookies, maybe I'll just quit being in such a stupid hurry, maybe I'll just introduce myself...maybe I can just start "seeing" more often.
It's funny that I write about seeing things. Today, a friend of mine took me to this prayer chapel right off one of the main roads in Arvada. One I travel frequently, yet I've never taken the time to stop, and I barely even remembered it was there. As we were walking up to it, I said to her, "I know I've looked at this chapel before, but I guess I just never really saw it". Same thing with my neighbor. And for as beautiful as the chapel was, my neighbor is all the more so, and people are all the more so, for we are broken, but still in His image, and I really want to see that.
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