Love hurts, heals, hopes

I took this picture on the way up to Nebraska...the most amazing rainbow I've ever seen in my life and it was 100 times more brilliant in person...it speaks to me of hope...

I'm trying to process this day in my life...

*My job rips my heart up and down, inside and out and every which way. Sometimes I love it so much I hate it.

One of our girls left today after her crack addicted mom called and said "We're moving to Mississippi. Pack your bags and be ready to go". All this girl wants is her mom to want her and to take care of her like she did before she was a crack head. She just wants to be with her family even if that means she gets hurt. She's like a little girl, but she's now a mom at 16 and I wonder how do you reconcile those two? It was just 2 days ago that I took her and her little baby to see the fireworks show and we talked and walked and laughed and ate sonic together and she asked my opinion on tough life questions and we prayed together. She just barely gets the start to a different life and her mom rips it right out of her hands. I just don't get it. I wanted to see her smiling face on graduation day and now she's headed to what?

*One of the other moms let her 17 month old go with the dad for the first time- a weekend visit. It was almost too much for her to handle. He came and picked her up this morning and as soon as she handed her off to him, the baby just froze as if to say, "I don't know what's going on, but I know I don't like it." As he turned to go, the baby lunged for me, full arms stretched out trying to get out of his arms and into mine and I felt like my heart cracked in two and fell onto the floor. This was 1/2 hour after being told that the other resident was leaving to Mississippi. I'm just sick to my stomach and my heart.

* yesterday, we celebrated the new life of yet another of our residents giving birth to her second baby in a year. Her daughter turned 1 last monday and she delivered daughter #2 yesterday. A beautiful girl, so perfect in every way. New life, new love, new hope. Maybe this is what keeps me going. It has to, it just has to.